Beauty Queen's space

 

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

    

     Dear readers,

 

     Hello every body again. I’ve missed you all and I hope that you’ve missed me, too.

 

     First of all, I would like to congratulate all the students and wishes them all the best.

 

     Today I remembered my second home “Beauty Queen’s kingdom“and the words which were written to me by my first visitor who welcomed me by his encouraging words. So I said to myself “Try to write something, but don’t be shy and try to be open.” So, Listen to what I have to say or read what I have written since it is a space on the Internet.

 

     In this world our life keeps changing. And we tend to believe that it is to the better. But what is clear is that each one of us is living in isolated worlds. Every body is struggling with his own daily problems. We need to be more open as a change. And what I am doing here is a step toward being open.

 

     To be open is to be willing to see and to be seen. So, this time I thought of writing a little about myself. As a beginning I must confess that I was a very naughty girl since I was a baby. Thing always goes up side down, but now I love everything to be in its special place or a disaster may take place. Readers don’t be afraid I don’t have nuclear weapons with me right now.   

 

     Back to the point, this means that life is changing and we humans tend to change, too. Nothing in this world is static. I myself have gone through many changes. And my attitude shaped me. So, let me tell you more about me.

 

     Most the people who meet me for the first time usually get the impression that I am a very quiet person. Generally I don’t deny this, because I admit that I become very shy and bashful in the presence of any one new.

 

     Sometimes it becomes very funny when I feel that I must go quickly and search for my voice. I don’t mean going to the bathroom and singing. I mean talking just to please other. Believe me I am not a good actresses or a pretender. I like to be my own person. This makes other people thinks that I am very prejudice. Believe me I am not.

 

     I can tell the reasons behind my silence. Sometimes my silence comes as a result of me being a character who loves to listen rather than to talk. I think we need to learn to listen in order to bring out the best in others.

 

     Still, I am not always a good listener, because in some cases I forget every body and become lost in the middle of my own thoughts. I am human you know!

 

     I hate when some body asks me to say anything and I ask you not to blame me for that, because I hate talking for the sake of talk. As a fact I think no one like to talk about trivial thing or listen to people, who only complain or talk about their problems. In many cases I sometimes wish to say enough, but this would be considered impolite from my side.

    

     It is not my fault that I act more than I talk. I only talk if I am interested or when I feel that what I am going to say can attributes to the subject. I habitually avoid pointless argument. This saves more time.

 

     As we all know people who stick their noses in other people’s business don’t have much going in their on lives. This makes me admire the people who mind their own business.

    

     On the other hand, when I am in the company of my family and friend I talk naturally. To me the most beautiful thing in friendship is that in a true friendship there is no need to hide. Nor, any place to hide either.

 

     I have many friends thank God far that. My friends and my family especially my father knows how to breaks my silence. It is lovely how my young sister Abad can always read my mind. But for my eldest brother Mu’ayad what can I say we get along.

 

     It is not Mission Impossible and they are not genius or something. It is just that I am a little shy, but once any one gets to know me better he or she would realize that I am different than what I appear to be in the beginning.

    

     To be frank with you all I am simple, uncomplicated, easy going person and not hard to be understood, but sometimes I become moody from time to time. This is the beauty in human being. We are full of complexity and this what makes us very interesting. Still I must say that nothing is more beautiful than simplicity and being simple.

 

     Moreover, I am a very cheerful girl. I love life and I try to enjoy it to the fullest. Enjoy the moment is a good advice. I hate serious people as much as I hate the people who consider every thing a joke. Nothing is more beautiful than the middle state. I love optimistic people and positive attitudes.

 

     I am a bubbly kind of a character most of the time and full of beans. And whenever or wherever I am, there is always something that can make me busy. I am very energetic by nature and I hate lazy people. I love adventures and I like to discover and experience new things, especially in games. Oh, please take me to Disenyland.

 

     I am not afraid to dream and my biggest wish is to go in a tour around the world. Isn’t this nice or what?

 

     I love playing games of any kind, but lately I started to hate Monopoly, I don’t know why maybe because my luck began to fails me. I tried playing Scrabble, but to be honest it will takes from me a half hour in order to create a word out of six litters. I think I should stick to the Play Station and play Crash.

 

     In my childhood every body used to call me Mis. Marham while playing. I wonder why?! Untill now I love playing games that depend on multi players like hide-and-seek, but our house doesn’t help us. I think you got what I mean.

 

     About my hobbies I like running, swimming, writing, and paintings. I love listening to music and song of any language. Just in case if I didn’t succeed in my studying I will become a DJ. Nice joke.

 

     I love peace of mind and when I talk I love to speak up my mind and to express myself. I don’t care a lot for what other people think of me, because they are probably wondering what I think of them. Think about that?

 

     I like to be independent and I enjoy the loneliness that comes with it by being willing to go it alone, not in defiance, but as a choice. Nothing is more beautiful that being free and letting others to be free, too.

 

     I am not a person who gets angry fast. This makes me patient but sometimes I feel afraid of my anger. I feel that I have to hold it in or else I might offend the other person, which I am quarrelling with.

 

     I hate being unable to express myself clearly while I am angry, when some body do me wrong. Like when some one tries to teases or makes fun of me. Like a friend hardly ever, but my own brothers and sisters always.

 

     In a situation like this I usually find my self helpless without words and the only thing I can do is to shout loudly and I usually cry later on in my room. I should be stronger than my weaknesses. This is a childish reaction from my part. And I know that I need help in this!   

 

     I am very sensitive especialy to spoken words and I take everything personally. I am trying to change this in me, because this isn’t good. Let me tell you something that my Doctor in Drama taught me. She said: “If you feel life is a tragedy, and if you think life is a comedy.” This can be true, do you agree with me and with my sweet Indian Doctor?

 

     When I feel I want to cry nothing can stop my tears. I often cry if I saw some one else crying in reality or in the television. Listen to this comic story about me and my dear friend Hadeel from Jubail. When I was a third year student in high school my big sister Wala’a was in the same class with me for the first time. Every one started comparing between us and this didn’t upset me.  

 

     What happend was very hilarious. There was an examination in Physics. I did not do well in my first exam, because I was slow and the questions were long so, I was out of time. Then the teacher prepared another exam to every girl, who wants to change her bad marks as a final chance. Wait this is not the happy ending.

 

     What happened is that when I received the exam paper I discovered that I’ve studied the wrong chapters. So, I handed the paper to my teacher and went running fast and crying outside the class in front of a bunch of girls younger than me.

 

     My sister was waiting for me with her friend and when she saw me she asked me to stop crying as a baby in the presence of the girls, but this made me cry even more. She was telling me you are a grownup now don’t you feel ashamed from crying in front of every body and I answered her by saying I don’t care. 

 

     Later on a student finished her exam and came nearby us. This girl was Hadeel. When she saw me she felt sorry for me and started crying with me and she told my sister that she faced the same thing as me. My big sister couldn’t do anything to us apart from watching us crying. The whole thing was embarrassing for her.

 

     After this incident whenever Hadeel and I see each other we laugh. Our friendship started like this. We started to talk with each other and meet in the breaks. We ended as close friends later on in the Collage. When any one asks us how we meat we tell them the story and they laugh hardly at us.

 

     What was surprising to us that we had many common characteristics that we discovered later on .Now I am living in Dhahran, but we still talk on the phone. Isn’t the story funny or what?

 

     Just in case you wanted to know what happened to our marks and the exam. We had a third one together and our marks were not that bad. I know that you are laughing now. Never mind.

 

     I hate Physics and when I entered the Collage they put me in the department of Physics, this was a shock for me, but I tried my best to switch and finally I entered the department of English Literature. Thank God for that. I am now a fourth year student and I am enjoying myself there.            

      I don’t like to hurt other, but sometimes I hold my anger inside and after a time it turns inward. Then I hate myself for being weak. I believe we need to learn to forgive and to let go in order to move on. Life always gets complicated when we conceal our hurt and wait for people to come and apologize. Life goes on you know!

 

     I love the view of the blue sea especially when the sun rises in the morning. Sometimes if some one asked me to describe myself I would say that I am like the waves of a sea at times calm, but not always.  

 

     I love watching Hollywood and Bollywood movies. I watch all types of movies, but I am not a fan of action or since fiction movies. The hardest question for me to answer is what is your favourite star? Of course he isn’t Jackie Chan.

    

     As a result of me being near the television watching a movie or with my laptop watching a Japanese animation my mother had to take me to a doctor's in order to make an eye-glasses for me. I hated that day and I did not wanted to go until my father forced me to.

 

     I remember the first day I went to school wearing eyeglasses which was inconvenient for me. All my friends said that I look like Detective Conan and this made it even worse that ever. Every body used to laugh at me, because I either don't wear it or I wear it all the day long even when I go to sleep. I know that you are giggling at me thinking I want to see my dreams clearly.

 

     All the day I kept playing with it trying to see the differences. It even came to my mind that I was blind before. What is funny about that day is when the teacher called my name loudly and asked me if anything was wrong with her. Poor lady she though that I was gazing at her. Ops I think I should keep quite.      

 

     When I write I forget myself and no one can stops me. It is better that I don’t talk much, because in this case someone will be needed to shut my mouth.

 

     If I kept writing it will be a biography. So, I think I should stop or all my weak point will be exposed. I am just kidding.

    

     I don’t usually talk about myself, because I hate people who only talk about themselves. But since it is my own space I thought it is a must that I say something about my self so, bear with me. I think I hate the letter I. (This is driving me crazy?)

 

     I am glad that I was able to be open and I hope that my words were clear, because I wished to be able to express myself freely.

 

     Sorry if I bored you, but I love to take my time in everything. I think I should go to sleep before things get missy.

 

     I didn’t sleep since yesterday so, goodbye. One last thing please feels free to comment.

 

Yours Faithfully: 

 

Bayan.